by Gordon Timothy, 1992
When a culture has a a great deal of something, the names for it multiply. It says a lot about our culture that the following list is only a start of what it could be. If you choose two or more of this list as descriptive of your situation, you are experiencing conflict. If you have more than ten, you probably need some help.
Which of the following do you feel describe your situation?
___a can of worms
___a catch-22
___a fine how-do-you-do
___a fine kettle of fish
___a tiger by the tail
___at a loss
___at a stalemate
___at a stand still
___at an impasse
___at your wits' end
___back to the wall
___baffled
___balled up
___behind the eight ball
between
___a rock & a hard place
___devil & deep blue sea
___some, no, & anywhere
___a bull and a cliff
___between two stools
___blade side of a knife
___bottom of the pack
___bound in chains
___burdened
___caught with pants down
___cheated
___coming and going
___cornered
___dance on a hot griddle
___down the river
___drowning
___dumped on
___end of the shotgun
___end of your rope
___enmeshed
___entangled
___finger up your nose
___from pillar to post
___in a bind
___in a box
___in a dilemma
___in a fix
___in a hole
___in a hornet's nest
___in a jam
___in a mess
___in a peck of trouble
___in a pickle
___in a pinch
___in a predicament
___in a quagmire
___in a quandary
___in a scrape
___in a sea of troubles
___in a sorry plight
___in a spot
___in a tight spot
___in a tight squeeze
___in deep doo doo
___in deep water
___in harm's way
___in heavy weather
___in hot water
___in over your head
___in quicksand
___in the middle
___in the soup
___in tough straits
___leg in the hole
___lost and gone forever
___lost in space
___nonplussed
___on a dead end
___on a downward slide
___on the ropes
___on the skids
___on the spot
___on the wrong side
___one extreme to other
___opened Pandora's box
___oppressed
___out of luck
___out of the frying pan into the fire
___out of your depth
___out of your element
___out on a limb
___over a barrel
___over your head
___paint into a corner
___perplexed
___piled on
___put to it
___smothered
___snookered
___stranded
___stuck
___stumped
___taken advantage of
___tangled up
___tit in the wringer
___trapped
___treed
___under a deadline
___under an elephant foot
___under the gun
___under the gun
___up a blind alley
___up a creek w/o a paddle
___up a stump
___up a tree
___up against it
___up the creek
___up to your neck in it
___vexed
___used
___walking a tight rope
___walking on egg shells
___walking on hot coals
___worm in the hard drive
___worried
___wound up
___viral attack
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Conflict Management
How do you respond to challenges?
-- disagreements with others
-- people who don't live up to your expectations -- other people's weaknesses
-- being offended by friends or enemies, being accused or blamed
-- rules you don't like, but are obliged to follow, or else...
-- personal failures and weaknesses
-- things go wrong, don't work out as desired
-- having too much demanded of you
Typical responses to these challenges include the following:
1.Anger-Pride (lacking faith, hope and charity): criticizing, finding fault, creating contention, providing retribution or trying to get even, hurting them, manipulating them, blaming them, gossiping, talking behind their back; seeking to hide your sins, gratify your pride, or exercise control or dominion unrighteously.
2.Fear-Discouragement (lacking faith, hope and charity): Blaming self, giving up, getting discouraged, feeling guilty, ignoring the problem, pretending it isn't happening, feeling worthless, feeling a need to run away or move, letting them get away with things they shouldn't, joining them in evil.
3.Honorable Communication: Talk things over, try to understand the situation, the other person, and yourself, leaving ego behind. "build trust, identify points of agreement, resolve concerns."
4.Faithfulness (involves faith, hope and charity, a willingness to repent, to do anything and everything that the Lord commands, eliminating pride, fear, and lower concerns):
Ask: pray in faith for the guidance of the Holy Ghost.
Seek: study and work for knowledge of principles to obey.
Knock: act on the principles; obey the commandments, bless other people. Faithfulness sometimes looks the same as the other approaches, but is different because it is done in obedience to the Holy Ghost and in love, where the others are not.
Make the Glory of God your priority
Example Principles:
A.(Matt. 5:21-26)...first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift... Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him;...
B.(D & C 42: 78-93) Take him or her between him or her and thee alone...
C.(D & C 64: 8-14) Of you it is required to forgive all men, ...and him that repenteth not...ye shall bring before the church...that God may be glorified, not because ye forgive not...but that ye may not offend him who is your lawgiver.
D.(D&C 88:81) it becometh every man that hath been warned to warn his neighbor.
E.(Galatians 6:1) Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
E.(D&C 121: 41-46) ...Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love towards him whom thou hast reproved...
-- disagreements with others
-- people who don't live up to your expectations -- other people's weaknesses
-- being offended by friends or enemies, being accused or blamed
-- rules you don't like, but are obliged to follow, or else...
-- personal failures and weaknesses
-- things go wrong, don't work out as desired
-- having too much demanded of you
Typical responses to these challenges include the following:
1.Anger-Pride (lacking faith, hope and charity): criticizing, finding fault, creating contention, providing retribution or trying to get even, hurting them, manipulating them, blaming them, gossiping, talking behind their back; seeking to hide your sins, gratify your pride, or exercise control or dominion unrighteously.
2.Fear-Discouragement (lacking faith, hope and charity): Blaming self, giving up, getting discouraged, feeling guilty, ignoring the problem, pretending it isn't happening, feeling worthless, feeling a need to run away or move, letting them get away with things they shouldn't, joining them in evil.
3.Honorable Communication: Talk things over, try to understand the situation, the other person, and yourself, leaving ego behind. "build trust, identify points of agreement, resolve concerns."
4.Faithfulness (involves faith, hope and charity, a willingness to repent, to do anything and everything that the Lord commands, eliminating pride, fear, and lower concerns):
Ask: pray in faith for the guidance of the Holy Ghost.
Seek: study and work for knowledge of principles to obey.
Knock: act on the principles; obey the commandments, bless other people. Faithfulness sometimes looks the same as the other approaches, but is different because it is done in obedience to the Holy Ghost and in love, where the others are not.
Make the Glory of God your priority
Example Principles:
A.(Matt. 5:21-26)...first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift... Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him;...
B.(D & C 42: 78-93) Take him or her between him or her and thee alone...
C.(D & C 64: 8-14) Of you it is required to forgive all men, ...and him that repenteth not...ye shall bring before the church...that God may be glorified, not because ye forgive not...but that ye may not offend him who is your lawgiver.
D.(D&C 88:81) it becometh every man that hath been warned to warn his neighbor.
E.(Galatians 6:1) Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
E.(D&C 121: 41-46) ...Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love towards him whom thou hast reproved...
BE A DEDICATED NEUROTIC How to make yourself miserable
(author unknown)
1. Remember the past. . . . and regret it; Abhor the present; Dread the future
2. Become preoccupied with the body, and make a long list of symptoms. Make them sound very clinical and professional.
3. Blame somebody! Hold your boss, your wife, your partner, your neighbor, your kid, etc. responsible for your miseries.
4. Feel trapped! You can't declare your own independence without hurting someone's feelings.
5. Over-eat. Rationalize and Eat! Eat an insulated wall around yourself. . . Diet for a few days and say it doesn't work for you.
6. Self-pity. No matter what, feel SORRY for yourself! Agonize over things about which no one else cares.
7. Fear of trying. Don't ever try! That way nobody can accuse you of failure. You can always say: "But I could have done it."
8. Timidity. Stress how shy you are. Insist that the world must come to you: you're SPECIAL!
9. Be aggressive. Be sure to hurt other people in your language and actions.
10. Escape in negativism. Never listen to anyone! Kiss off all valid advice. When you need an opinion, you'll ask for it.
11. Never forgive. Look for the mistakes of others. . .if you can't find enough, manufacture some!
12. Eat food that give acid indigestion. Complain about it for immediate attention. Nothing is better. Use worry to keep it upset until you have an ulcer. Cheerfully explain that half a gut is better than none. It's better that a by-pass.
13. Escape in caffeine and chocolate, or other chemical substances. Nobody has the same reasons that you have! Your motivations are completely unique.
14. Be a perfectionist! Never be satisfied! Tell yourself you can always do better. . and better. . and better. . apologize for everything, no matter how well done it is. Keep knocking yourself out. You have to work yourself to death to be worthy of being loved.
15. Be a martyr. Brag about your self-sacrifice. Sigh a lot. Martyrs must always sigh because of their suffering. Everyone takes advantage of you, so elicit sympathy.
1. Remember the past. . . . and regret it; Abhor the present; Dread the future
2. Become preoccupied with the body, and make a long list of symptoms. Make them sound very clinical and professional.
3. Blame somebody! Hold your boss, your wife, your partner, your neighbor, your kid, etc. responsible for your miseries.
4. Feel trapped! You can't declare your own independence without hurting someone's feelings.
5. Over-eat. Rationalize and Eat! Eat an insulated wall around yourself. . . Diet for a few days and say it doesn't work for you.
6. Self-pity. No matter what, feel SORRY for yourself! Agonize over things about which no one else cares.
7. Fear of trying. Don't ever try! That way nobody can accuse you of failure. You can always say: "But I could have done it."
8. Timidity. Stress how shy you are. Insist that the world must come to you: you're SPECIAL!
9. Be aggressive. Be sure to hurt other people in your language and actions.
10. Escape in negativism. Never listen to anyone! Kiss off all valid advice. When you need an opinion, you'll ask for it.
11. Never forgive. Look for the mistakes of others. . .if you can't find enough, manufacture some!
12. Eat food that give acid indigestion. Complain about it for immediate attention. Nothing is better. Use worry to keep it upset until you have an ulcer. Cheerfully explain that half a gut is better than none. It's better that a by-pass.
13. Escape in caffeine and chocolate, or other chemical substances. Nobody has the same reasons that you have! Your motivations are completely unique.
14. Be a perfectionist! Never be satisfied! Tell yourself you can always do better. . and better. . and better. . apologize for everything, no matter how well done it is. Keep knocking yourself out. You have to work yourself to death to be worthy of being loved.
15. Be a martyr. Brag about your self-sacrifice. Sigh a lot. Martyrs must always sigh because of their suffering. Everyone takes advantage of you, so elicit sympathy.
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